The Roller Coaster
Nose to Nose picture of us at camping (click on it and look at it larger).....
I'm so happy and excited that Obama Won. I feel like the tide will finally change in this country. I have real hope now. Like tangible hope I can feel in my hand!
Personally, I have struggled though, with the dark curtain of sadness. I have good days and bad days. One day I asked Tony if there was magic to bring Lucy back, was she really gone. I didn't believe she was really gone for good. I still don't think it has sunk in yet. You know they talk about the 'stages of grief', and I guess I am dealing with them. I am putting my husband through my bad days as well. I was rather ugly to him for no reason the other morning when I was really just hurting and also anxious about about our dr's appt to see about us having a baby together since I'm so old and he's been 'fixed'. But he was sweet and very forgiving and we worked it out quickly.
We saw the doc.. and the long and short of it is.. we will do this test of my ovaries w/ some blood work and meds to see what happens to see if I'm still fertile at my age before we go any further. I guess I feel guilty I'm so old.
But this weekend, we have some respite and rest!!! we will will see some friends in Tellico Plains and then we are graced to be able to relax in the N. Ga Mtns at my Dad's nice cabin while I take the hormones for this test.
I guess what I'm saying, I'm so happy about Obama, but still so sad about Lucy,, this will take time, probably lots of time. One of my best friends has left my side physically and it's finally hitting me and it's devastating. I go between denial and being upset, and angry that she had the cancer and how I took her to the vet for the last year and how they missed it and blame myself. I just miss her. I honestly just miss her. I always will. For my lifetime left on this earth, I will miss her forever...and that is why difficult times make you more compassionate. I know these times are teaching me tremendous lessons.
Love, love...
posted by Julie @ 11:11 PM
Comments: 3
