Thanksgiving week
Here is a recent picture of my dear friend Rob and my beautiful niece Summer prior to attending my friend Lisa's 'vintage' wedding a few weeks ago. We couldn't have had better weather. And what a beautiful bride! We had a great time dancing, especially Summer, she was the Belle of the Ball. This Thanksgiving week, I have much to be thankful for; as I am truly blessed. A year ago my world was rocked very hard and was for many months. The changes were difficult for me, but they have been very positive for me. I think for a while, it was difficult for me to see how much better my life would be without being married to my ex husband. I took my commitment to him very seriously, as a lifetime commitment. It was difficult for me to shake that my future life would change so significantly, that we were never the couple I thought we were because it was all based on lies, and afraid of the unknown. Not to mention my self esteem was very fragile from the bashing I had received for sometime. We hold onto ideas, thoughts, feelings, because they are what we know, familiar and we don't have the confidence to face the unknown future. Sometimes being in a relationship with someone can be like a drug addiction, even though it's so very unhealthy for you, it's so hard to want to end it because you think you can't make it, can't possibly be happy without it. We must be terribly myopic and shortsighted people during times of pain and can make such poor decisions. I knew months before I filed for divorce that my ex was not deserving of my partnership, but I would not give up. I'm so thankful for friends and family who persisted that I end the madness b/c that was what was truly destroying me, not being without him. He would not change, I had to change the situation. I am thankful for my life being so different than it was last year. I am so much happier, so much more fulfilled. And it has nothing to do with any relationship - in every way it has much to do with the LACK of that relationship. I have healthy fulfilling relationships with my friends and family now and ones that make me proud. I have so much to be thankful for - I probably did not think so many months ago; but I am very certain of that now.
I may not be much, and I have many faults, but for the most part I live an honest caring life that I can be proud of, helping others as often as I can; I don't live a duplicitous, scheming, unkind life to my brothers and sisters and for that I am also thankful. I am also thankful that somehow God has seen to heal my heart from the sadness, grief, hurt and anger. I just feel happiness and joy most days. I'm working my way back to my old self and that feels entirely wonderful especially because I've been so encouraged and affirmed by others who LOVE me for who I am. I like feeling comfortable in my own skin again. Feeling joy and lots of laughter and happiness. Being helpful and kind and having energy. I am no longer bitter or angry. I was afraid all the ugliness with the lies, stealing, unfairness, they tried to perpetrate on me might actually take effect, but it was only mildly irritating. I'm sure they will try harder, as that is their nature, but I have my wits about me, my spirituality in tact and a support system beyond measure. In the end, as we know, it's their Karma, not mine they effect by treating me so badly. It's inescapable- even driving a nail in a piece of wood - you take it out, but the hole still remains - forever. I'm thankful for my perspective and the people who helped me get there as well.
Happy Thanksgiving, Love, Love...
posted by Julie @ 6:53 PM
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