I worked this past week in tricities and stayed with a long time friend and it was so great to visit with her and her sweet daughter, who is 8 and 1 inch shorter than me, ha. Then for the weekend I checked into a cabin at Roan Mountain State parkwith my 1/2 off state discount (what a great benefit!). It was so relaxing and it's so beautiful there. I would love to camp there sometime, but it is first come first serve and I would hate to drive 3 hrs to not get a riverside site. I am self admitting waterside camping snob! I would rather be on the river than coveting my neighbor with the spot I wish I had. I would definitely recommend going to this park for a weekend stay or a hike.
Then yesterday in a very careless and clumsy manner put my ipod in my pocket and it dropped onto Henley street (downtown knox) when I was walking in the crosswalk for work. It is demolished. I have loved my ipod, and gifted it to myself with my income tax refund. But I clearly don't deserve such a nice toy if I'm going to act like such an idiot with it. I shouldn't be attached to material things anyway, so this a good lesson about responsibility and things that aren't important. A nice aspect of it, was that I was reading/listening to books on it and one was the bible and that was helping my goal of reading it from front to back this year. But I have several 'real' copies... :)
Because of all the unwanted traffic on my blog, in a few days I'm going to make it private for only those people I approve to read it. I had started to make another blog, but why go to all that trouble just to keep a few nosey boogers out of it? I know it will be an extra step to log in and get the initial approval, but no doubt my friends and family won't mind the extra step for my peace of mind. If you send a request, just make sure I know who you are, or that you may be a regular reader I don't know, but with enough details I know you aren't a cyber stalker trying to peer into my private life.
I want to purge some thoughts about marriage. I want to say, for the record, that I would not interfere in someone's marriage. I interfered unknowingly in one marriage - my ex husbands - only b/c he was dishonest and said he had been divorced for nearly 2 years and even had developed elaborate lies about dating other women while were friends in a pathetic attempt make me jealous - and other schemes to make it seem like he wasn't married. I had no idea til I got the call from his wife after they were separating. I should have then never believed the other lies he told to win back my trust - that they had been living separate for a long time, he had been working on a divorce for years, that she was insane and treated him horribly, and that I couldn't believe a word she or her family said when they tried to warn me about him. I was a stupid fool in love who wanted to believe him - to believe what I wanted instead of what I knew deep inside about his character. I have apologized to her several times that I had no idea they were married for all the hurt I helped cause her. I have never quit having deep remorse for not walking away that day for the pain it caused his family and myself in the long run. What I did was wrong, no matter the reasons or his lies. I will however, always be a good friend to my friends who need someone to listen. Especially people I've known for over 25 years.
A good friend put this song on mix cd for me. It probably has multiple layers of meaning for me with past relationships. I love the ending 'It took a while to figure out she could run, and when she did she was long long gone'...I don't regret loving with my full heart. I regret trusting my love and heart and dedication to the wrong person who was so undeserving. Even our marriage counselor said "After all you have done, you still don't recognize how fortunate you are to have her loyalty to try and work this out with you" I don't have any hatred for my ex I honestly don't care about him - still a little anger and bitterness because he did all the trauma he could do to me possible and it hurt and that was exactly why he did it. Anyone would feel like this if you were in my shoes. No one should have to live in fear physically, emotionally or financially about someone else that they loved and called their husband - like I have had to do. But I don't fear any longer. I stood up and I've slayed the dragon and to me, he's completely gone. And if he's smart, he will finally make some better decisions. Because I have no toleration for any bullying, or lack of responsibility. My pastor said wouldn't I hope that he would have a transformation one day, didn't I pray for that? Of course I hope he does change into a kind hearted and honest person, for himself and those around him. I can't imagine, even if there is a thrill in the deceit, that it still doesn't lead to a very empty meaningless life full of stress, disappointment and lack of having any integrity. Obtaining desires from deceit can't be near as satisfying as earning them from hard work, honesty, and having people care about you for the real you and not someone you pretend to be.
I spent some wonderful time with my 6 1/2 year old niece this weekend. We went to a friends house to visit briefly and she told my friend the most adorable thing. She said 'Well, really I love everyone I know. I even love God and Jesus'.. then there was a slight pause of reflection and she said 'I bet they are looking down from heaven now and going 'AWWWW'! ".... No doubt she was right, we certainly were thinking the same thing.
